Janitor Vs. Spiderzilla

My friend’s night was going to be a challenging one. The warning sign was when a spider dropped down from the ceiling of her car. She managed to bat that one off with a water bottle she had with her. After that she headed to one of her buildings that she had to clean.

She and I both work third shift jobs so we often talk on the phone to help keep each other motivated and awake and this often provides insightful conversation as well as hours of entertainment. This night did not disappoint.

When she reached her building, the door she uses to get in was a spider haven. I heard her utter a horrified, “Oh God..” into the phone, but she trekked forth, braving certain doom. Turns out getting into the building was child’s play. When she swiftly went through the threshold, she was not the only one who entered. When she turned to shut the door she saw a monster run in after her and he dashed into a corner so she could not easily kill him.

This spider was some kind of mutant. A Spiderzilla. My friend is not easily terrified, but this beast made her squeal like a little girl, flapping her arms up and down. I guess she thought she could fly away.… She went about her night, we talked, and she plotted out her plan of attack, but Spiderzilla was no dummy. When she went back to that little corner of Hell the beast was nowhere to be seen. She let out a horrified gasp.

She tried to go about her business, but the next thing I heard was, “Motherfucker! What the fuck… NO! Shit! Dammit dammit no. No no no!” I was thoroughly confused, but she then explained that Spiderzilla had crawled into her trash bin that she had to cart around to gather the trash from that building. Spderzilla fancied a ride with my dear, doomed friend.

When she realized the beast was trapped down there she managed to calm down, but it wouldn’t be long before the next wave of terror came. As she filled up her bin with bag after bag of trash she realized he would soon be able to climb up the bags and reach the top. With each bag she added her level of terror doubled. She would stare at the heap, waiting for him to emerge, but he didn’t show. She threw the final bag into the bin, waited a moment, then turned away to attend to something and when she came back she was staring into the beady eyes of Spiderzilla. He had climbed Trasheverest and he was squaring up to her.


“Shit,” she breathlessly uttered. “I don’t know what to do.” We went over some options and scenarios and since burning the place down couldn’t be one of them, she went for the next best thing: A bottle of stainless steel cleaner.

Weapon at the ready, she poised for the attack, and fast as she could she doused the spawn of Satan in a chemical Hellfire. He writhed and squirmed, his beastly demeanor withering away before her eyes. In his final moments he writhed and fell into the bottom of the bin and the terror was no more. She tied the bag up and swiftly hauled it to the dumpster, thinking her nightmare was finally over…

But when she got back to the door, what could only be the Bride of Spiderzilla awaited her return. Waiting for the door to open. “Son of a bitch!” exclaimed my friend. “I’m done.” Fear no longer ensnared her and she fought the demonling off. The battle belonged to her, but it will be a while yet before the war can be claimed.

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