I know it’s been quite some time since my post before last. A lot has happened and a lot is still going on.
I got another job so now I have two. My first job is a production associate/waitress at Pizza Hut, which has shifting hours so I’m working either in the morning or at night, and my second job is being the third shift cashier at a poorly run truck stop. Sometimes I have to go straight from one job to another. Sometimes my only window of opportunity to sleep is 5 hours, but it’s a 45 minute drive from where I live, so that plus time to get ready is now a three hour window. Maybe three and a half.
The next bit of news that is very happy and exciting is we finally got a place of our own!! It’s smaller than what we’re used to, but it’s ours and I love it. It’s put us closer to my husband’s job, but further away from mine. So I’m trying to find a job closer to home. We need to look into daycare as well because I either need a full time, $10+ hour job, or continue having two jobs which will continue to suck the life force out of me.
The hardest thing about having these two jobs is that I don’t have the time or the energy to do the things I enjoy. My blog has been left in the corner gaining dust and cobwebs. My vlog is basically a figment of my imagination now. Drawing, writing, coloring…these are all things I don’t have time or energy for. But these are the things that pull me out of my sadness and self-loathing.
I’ll go 24+ hours without seeing my kids. Which, honestly, I could handle if my husband, or some non-judgmental person who listens to my instructions, were watching them, but it’s his mother or grandmother (who hates me). Both woman don’t listen to what I want for my kids. Both think they know what’s best for them more than I do. Both don’t take me seriously as a mother and will find ways to step into my role.
And both seem to think I’m an idiot.
So I’m trying to find a better job and affordable daycare. It almost feels like an infinite loop of “I can’t do one before doing the other” and it’s annoying as Hell.
Makes it difficult to enjoy and appreciate my new home.