*Trigger Warning* I discuss incidents of sexual assault and rape. If you are triggered by this type of behavior I urge you to proceed with caution or stop reading entirely.
There’s no denying I am a white female, but what I fail to see is how being a white female means I have “white privilege.”
Privilege * priv–uh-lij *
- a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of most: the privileges of the very rich.
- a special right, immunity, or exemption granted to persons in authority or office to free them from certain obligations or liabilities: the privilege of a senator to speak in Congress without danger of a libel suit.
- a grant to an individual, corporation, etc., of a special right or immunity, under certain conditions.
I could keep going, but I think this will do. I am not immune to shit. I have not benefited from any kind of special rights. I’ve not been made to feel special in any way.
I have, however, been made to feel ashamed for having these mythical rights and benefits.
I have a French name as my first name and many people (for reasons I really don’t understand) think it’s a “black” name upon hearing it. I was teased by both the black and white kids. My maiden name is Spanish. I have not a drop of Hispanic blood in me. My biological father was adopted by a Hispanic family. Because of my white skin and Spanish last name, the Hispanic kids often tried to beat me up. You know, because I chose my last name.
When I was sexually assaulted by my black friend’s father almost immediately after I turned 18, I wasn’t feeling very privileged. He got me drunk, took risqué photos of me, then laid me on a sleeping bag and groped and fondled me, telling me he wouldn’t fuck me because his cock would rip me in half, I still did not feel privileged. When he dropped me off three blocks away from my house, right in front of a drug dealer’s house, in the middle of the night, and forced me to French kiss him before he let me out of the car, I still didn’t feel privileged. I know, I know, I’m so ungrateful.
When I joined the Navy and got to my first command I was greeted by sighs of disappointment because I was not a Latina woman (remember, Spanish last name, white skin). My Hispanic chief went out of his way to treat me like shit, tell the improper way to do things, then wait for an officer to catch me and yell at me, the “white privilege” was so profound.
When I was raped by several black men, one Hispanic man, and one white man, all of whom were supposed to be my shipmates, my brothers, I felt so fucking privileged that of all the white women on board that ship they chose to fuck me without my permission. And when I broke down and cut myself and got shipped off for several psych evals, chose to report them, and was told, by a white man, an officer, that I deserved it, Then was swiftly kicked out of the military under medical reasons while those “men” walked down the corridors of my former command free and clear, yeah I was reaping all the benefits of my “white privilege.”
But wait, there’s more!
I felt so God damned privileged when a handsome, mixed raced man conned me into becoming a stripper, becoming his bitch, becoming my pimp then would tell me I’m nothing but a privileged white bitch living in a fantasy world right before he’d rape me. This happened repeatedly. He especially enjoyed fucking my mouth. He’d force me to suck his dick for an hour sometimes. Yes I was definitely put in my privileged place.
Now, because I was kicked out of the military well before my two year mark, I don’t even get the benefit of the full G.I. Bill. Employers look at me and see someone who came no where near fulfilling their four year commitment. Because I married and had children with a military man I had to quit two of my jobs and have years of unemployment in between jobs, I can’t find a decent job to save my life. And yes, I fill out the optional ethnic and gender part of the application. On paper I look unreliable, but boy howdy my “white privilege” is swooping in and saving my pale ass.. Not!
“White privilege” might apply to the rich white schmucks, but it does not apply to me so I’d greatly appreciate it if you would stop judging me by my pigment impairment and stop assuming I have so many privileges at my fingertips. I am just a human being trying to survive in this fucked up world.
Now if you’ll excuse my privileged white ass as I go to my nearest Panera Bread and grub with my equally privileged white female friend and shove food down our privileged faces as we scoff at those beneath us.