I confessed to my husband (and myself) that I more than likely would have killed myself by now if I didn’t know (or care) about how my death would impact those whom I love. I’ve considered all forms, but have either dismissed them for lack of means, level of pain, mess, and who would more than likely find me.
I don’t want to die, but I also don’t want to continue living like this. Everything is so overwhelming. Everything. But I can’t kill myself. I don’t want any risk of my kids seeing me like that. My in-laws have experienced the pain of another’s suicide and I don’t want to put them through another.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But what do you do when the problem doesn’t seem to have an end? This shit is exhausting.