Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

A couple weeks ago I got a call from my insurance company and they told me I’ve been accepted into their Depression Management program. It’s not meant to be used by itself, it’s meant to be used along with proper treatment. The kind of treatment I am not currently getting. 

I will receive a call once a month to asses my progress. Today I received my first call. I was assessed and I was not surprised by the results. Severe depression. Severe anxiety. My borderline personality disorder is beginning to spin out of control. If I continue down this path I will end up in the hospital as an inpatient or dead. 

So now I have to forget about the stigma or the fact that some people (like dear grandmonster-in-law) refuse to believe that the mind can become sick, sick enough to warp one’s thoughts so profoundly, it’s time I say, “Fuck you! I’m taking care of me!”

I will always be grateful of my hospital stay, but I never, EVER want to go back into a place like that. And I’m pretty sure I don’t want to die yet. At the moment I can’t say that with complete honesty, but the last thing I want to do is hurt others and I know my death, especially if by my own hand, would bring many people avoidable heartache. I don’t want to be responsible for that. 
So! Maybe tomorrow will bring forth a brighter chapter. 


2 thoughts on “Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

  1. It shouldn’t have taken a phone call to know that you have to take care of yourself. Despite TERRIBLE people you currently have in your life that are unavoidable, you know you need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of anyone else. You yourself have told this to me. I know right now it may not seem easy to do that, but you just have to do what you got to do. If it means getting into extra arguments because you gotta take care of yourself, then so be it. Keep in mind, you not taking care of yourself isn’t solving any current problems. I’m here. Physically, mentally, I can help you. You just gotta say so.

    Liked by 1 person

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