I Don’t Want to Care

I don’t want to give a shit about anything anymore. I am sick of allowing you to get under my skin. I know you do it on purpose, but it doesn’t make it any easier to ignore. You are an evil, maniacal, bitter old bitch. The things you do to get under my skin are deplorable. How someone can be so cruel, I will never understand. 

I wish I could just walk away and ignore you. I wish I could just let whatever you say roll right off my back, but the fact that you conspire to piss me off breaks my fucking spirit. 

I’ve done nothing to you with malicious intent. I’ve yelled at you after you got in my face and yelled at me. I defended myself against your abuse. I’m not always the person who takes the high road. I’m human. I fuck up from time to time. Your yelling, your slandering, and your threats of physical harm will not be forgotten. I owe you nothing. I never asked you for a fucking thing. I never wanted a fucking thing from you. You have a very warped and twisted view of reality. Your fact is so far from the truth it’s laughable. You choose to ignore your alcoholism and you choose to let your behavior get out of control. Your lack of self discipline is so ridiculous I don’t even know how you’re able to live among society. Because of the fact that you allow yourself to go unchecked, I can not trust you with my children. I can not trust you with anything. I can’t even be sure my dog is being cared for. For all I know you’re kicking her and starving her. I can’t trust a damn thing that comes out of your mouth. 

I am so tired of defending myself. So tired of explaining my anger. So fucking tired of you being the number one cause of my daily fucking turmoil. I can not leave your house any faster than I am right now. Your yelling and bitching isn’t gonna make it happen any faster. So just stop. 

Dear God please just turn my emotions off. I don’t want to feel anything. I don’t want to be affected by anything. Just bury me under boulders and leave me be. 

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