It was a beautiful, early summer afternoon and my kids and I were at a friend’s baby reveal. We all decided to sit outside and let the kids run and play in the backyard while the adults talked and enjoyed each other’s company. Silk worms (or whatever they were) kept raining down on us from the silky strands making some of the other moms jump from their seats. I didn’t mind them at all. I much preferred those to spiders so I was thankful that’s all that was coming down from the trees.
I look behind me and I see my son is playing too rough with one of the daughters there. Her mother was already there, but I got up to deal with my son. As I am making my way there I felt a tickle on my arm. I look down and one of my hairs fell loose and so I brushed it off, but as my gaze goes to my shirt, more specifically over my right boob, I see a freaking striped garden spider just hanging out. On my boob. Like no big deal. I tried to brush it off, but it was clinging to the material of my shirt. I tried to flick it off, but it would not move. I was left with no other option.
Without hesitation I grabbed hold of the bottom of my shirt and yanked it over my head running and screaming, “No no no no NOOO!!!” Everyone stopped their conversations and watched me do this and by time I stopped I had their full attention. I was wearing a spaghetti strap beneath my shirt, but quite honestly my shirt still would have come off even if I didn’t.
In the midst of my panic I had thrown my shirt to the ground. I went to it, picked it up, and carefully inspected it to see if the spider had gone. There was no sign of it, but I was not yet ready to put that shirt back on, so I carried it with me and took my place back in the group where everyone had a good laugh at my expense.
I guess we’ll just ignore the fact that a spider was groping me. Not only are spiders icky, mean, creepy, and unnatural spawns from Hell, they are also pervs.
By the way, the baby is a boy. The only reason I mention that is because I guessed the sex and I was right. I don’t get a lot of wins so I have to just throw that in here lol.