Bestie vs. Spidey

This is a story my best friend called me and told me about. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It made me question laws of physics and the willpower these little beasts wield.

She climbed into the shower, thankful for the brief getaway from her two kids and husband. She enjoyed the warm water while it lasted, but soon had to get out and towel off. She wrapped the towel around herself and was preparing to perform her beauty routine when she saw something large and black move. She looked down and saw the bitter spawn from Hell itself: The Black Widow.

With astounding grace and the heart of a lion she let out a war cry…ok it was more of a panicked shriek, screaming for her husband to bring her the can of Raid, regardless, she got her point across. She stared it down and waited for her husband to bring her the can, but when he emerged through the door he only had news that he couldn’t find it. In a frantic, high-pitched voice she told him where to locate it.

It felt like days had passed before he finally brought her the can. Armed with poison and ready to send this thing back from whence it came, she took and and mercilessly unleashed it upon the creature. The beast writhed in protest then charged her. She ran from it and sprayed it some more, but the thing was relentless and continued to go at her. Terrified this thing would kill her in her sleep, she ran to her husband and begged for his help because the spray was ineffective against this clearly non-biological creature.

Like a night in shining armor protecting his fair maiden, he took his weapon (a shoe) and smashed it. She let out a victory cry and immediately called me.

Moral of the story: Spiders are not natural beings and should not be taken lightly.


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