I Don’t Belong Here

we finally made our move. My husband is out of the military and we moved back to his hometown. We are living with his grandmother. We two and our three kids in her one bedroom house. He and I stay in the basement, our daughter sleeps with her in her bed, and our sons are in the living room, the older one on the couch and the youngest in the pack’n’play. 

His grandmother and I have already had a massive fight and we have been here for four whole days. I’ve been sick for three weeks. Coughing the entire time, I’ve coughed so much I lost my voice. My body is exhausted, but we were expected to immediately start moving heavy shit right after we’d been driving all night! I laid down, with permission, for about 40 minutes before my husband brought my one year old son to me saying he’d fallen down the basement stairs. Somehow that became my fault. 

I was in the room for about two and a half hours, but didn’t get much rest before I was rudely awoken and told it’s time I pull my weight around here. I was so tired I wanted to cry. The next day my husband and I were in the basement talking (the basement is where we sleep) and he had to go run an errand. I accidentally fell asleep while on the bed. His grandmother came down and saw me. I awoke and apologized for falling asleep. I truly did not mean to. She got pissy and turned the basement light off so I ended up going back to sleep. 

I woke up when my husband got home (which was about 40 minutes) and I moved the bed and got things prepared for what we were about to bring down there. I was texting my husband who was upstairs when his grandmother came down and started yelling at me for being on the phone. She yelled at me for not doing a damn thing and she was carrying one of our boxes down and said she wouldn’t being another one of our boxes down. In my loudest, raspy voice (which is not loud at all) I screamed at her that I never asked her to bring down our boxes. I also tried to explain to her what I’d just done and what I was waiting on. She didn’t care. 

Nasty words were shouted back and forth and she chased me up the stairs and told me I fucked up her house. That was not fair to say because most of the shit that was with us was my husband’s. I told her it was her grandson who fucked up her house and that just pissed her off more. She yelled at me to go live with my mother and I told her to buy me a fucking ticket and I’d be gone. She said, “really?” Like that was the most exciting thing she’d heard since we got here. 

I left her house and walked aimlessly until my husband caught up with me and convinced me to get back in the car. When we pulled back into the driveway I refused to go back into the house and he told me I could sit in the car while she went in and talked to her. Well, that wasn’t in his grandmother’s plan. 

She was at my window, knocking on it, wanting to talk to me. I refused. I was bawling my eyes out and I did my best just to ignore her. My husband got out of the car and called her, but she angrily refused and began banging on my window. Panicked I climbed over the center console and got in the driver’s seat, ready to drive off. I’m not sure what made me stay, but I did. Then she opened my door and began yelling at me again. I went into defensive mode and yelled right back. My husband tried desperately to get us to quit so he could calmly talk to her, but she wouldn’t hear it. I ignored her, like my husband wanted, and just waited. She still yelled at me and told me to look at her. I refused. 

Finally he got her into the house and took the car keys so I sat there, bawling, and went into a silent panic attack. 

Since then things have been swept under the rug. We’ve had minor tiffs, but nothing serious. She said she would not apologize to me, but that I would, in time, apologize to her. Well she can kiss my ass. I wanted to apologize to her for the things I said in anger, but I will not because she does not deserve an apology. 

I don’t belong here. I don’t belong in his family. I don’t think I belong in this state. I feel so lost and alone. 

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2 thoughts on “I Don’t Belong Here

    1. Yeah I don’t mention names on here. Trying to keep a bit of privacy. I have been meaning to text you (I have laryngitis so I can’t really talk lol) but it feels like we’ve been moving non stop until we pass out at the end of the day

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