“Respect Your Elders”… But What If They Disrespect You?

I’ve never had someone disrespect me as badly as my grandmother-in-law did today. She and I have never seen eye-to-eye on many issues, but she has been at my throat for things I am doing my best to do/control. 

She knows I went to the hospital for nine days because of suicidal thoughts. She also knows I’m a recovering cutter and that I haven’t done it in eight years, but she doesn’t believe I have any mental illness, she believes I am seeking attention. 

In the midst of yet another argument she mocked me. She threw her hands up in the air and in a horrid, mocking voice said, “Oh, I’m overwhelmed by my kids, I’m gonna go kill myself.” 

My heart dropped through the floor. Rage filled up every dark void in my body, but I didn’t lash out. I did tell her I couldn’t believe she just did that and I ended up telling her she was acting like an angry toddler. But for a grown woman to throw that in my face in such a spiteful manner….. I’m floored. 

Some other people have told me to just hold my tongue and get through the day, but how am I supposed to let that slide down my back? How am I supposed to take verbal abuse and just move on? I am working so hard on myself and it feels as though she’s determined to undo all that I’ve accomplished. 

She has old school views and feels I’m not supposed to do anything to better myself, I’m just supposed to take care of the kids and the house. I don’t get “me time” or anything like that. My husband does though. He’s entitle to all that, but I’m not and I need to grow up and stop making him baby me. 

Her views as to what our marriage and household is actually like is so screwed up. There’s no talking to her or reasoning with her. It’s awful here and I’m almost always wishing I’d never left Connecticut. 


Mommy Revealed at the Baby Reveal

It was a beautiful, early summer afternoon and my kids and I were at a friend’s baby reveal. We all decided to sit outside and let the kids run and play in the backyard while the adults talked and enjoyed each other’s company. Silk worms (or whatever they were) kept raining down on us from the silky strands making some of the other moms jump from their seats. I didn’t mind them at all. I much preferred those to spiders so I was thankful that’s all that was coming down from the trees.

I look behind me and I see my son is playing too rough with one of the daughters there. Her mother was already there, but I got up to deal with my son. As I am making my way there I felt a tickle on my arm. I look down and one of my hairs fell loose and so I brushed it off, but as my gaze goes to my shirt, more specifically over my right boob, I see a freaking striped garden spider just hanging out. On my boob. Like no big deal. I tried to brush it off, but it was clinging to the material of my shirt. I tried to flick it off, but it would not move. I was left with no other option.

Without hesitation I grabbed hold of the bottom of my shirt and yanked it over my head running and screaming, “No no no no NOOO!!!” Everyone stopped their conversations and watched me do this and by time I stopped I had their full attention. I was wearing a spaghetti strap beneath my shirt, but quite honestly my shirt still would have come off even if I didn’t.

In the midst of my panic I had thrown my shirt to the ground. I went to it, picked it up, and carefully inspected it to see if the spider had gone. There was no sign of it, but I was not yet ready to put that shirt back on, so I carried it with me and took my place back in the group where everyone had a good laugh at my expense.

I guess we’ll just ignore the fact that a spider was groping me. Not only are spiders icky, mean, creepy, and unnatural spawns from Hell, they are also pervs.

By the way, the baby is a boy. The only reason I mention that is because I guessed the sex and I was right. I don’t get a lot of wins so I have to just throw that in here lol.

Bestie vs. Spidey

This is a story my best friend called me and told me about. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It made me question laws of physics and the willpower these little beasts wield.

She climbed into the shower, thankful for the brief getaway from her two kids and husband. She enjoyed the warm water while it lasted, but soon had to get out and towel off. She wrapped the towel around herself and was preparing to perform her beauty routine when she saw something large and black move. She looked down and saw the bitter spawn from Hell itself: The Black Widow.

With astounding grace and the heart of a lion she let out a war cry…ok it was more of a panicked shriek, screaming for her husband to bring her the can of Raid, regardless, she got her point across. She stared it down and waited for her husband to bring her the can, but when he emerged through the door he only had news that he couldn’t find it. In a frantic, high-pitched voice she told him where to locate it.

It felt like days had passed before he finally brought her the can. Armed with poison and ready to send this thing back from whence it came, she took and and mercilessly unleashed it upon the creature. The beast writhed in protest then charged her. She ran from it and sprayed it some more, but the thing was relentless and continued to go at her. Terrified this thing would kill her in her sleep, she ran to her husband and begged for his help because the spray was ineffective against this clearly non-biological creature.

Like a night in shining armor protecting his fair maiden, he took his weapon (a shoe) and smashed it. She let out a victory cry and immediately called me.

Moral of the story: Spiders are not natural beings and should not be taken lightly.

I Don’t Belong Here

we finally made our move. My husband is out of the military and we moved back to his hometown. We are living with his grandmother. We two and our three kids in her one bedroom house. He and I stay in the basement, our daughter sleeps with her in her bed, and our sons are in the living room, the older one on the couch and the youngest in the pack’n’play. 

His grandmother and I have already had a massive fight and we have been here for four whole days. I’ve been sick for three weeks. Coughing the entire time, I’ve coughed so much I lost my voice. My body is exhausted, but we were expected to immediately start moving heavy shit right after we’d been driving all night! I laid down, with permission, for about 40 minutes before my husband brought my one year old son to me saying he’d fallen down the basement stairs. Somehow that became my fault. 

I was in the room for about two and a half hours, but didn’t get much rest before I was rudely awoken and told it’s time I pull my weight around here. I was so tired I wanted to cry. The next day my husband and I were in the basement talking (the basement is where we sleep) and he had to go run an errand. I accidentally fell asleep while on the bed. His grandmother came down and saw me. I awoke and apologized for falling asleep. I truly did not mean to. She got pissy and turned the basement light off so I ended up going back to sleep. 

I woke up when my husband got home (which was about 40 minutes) and I moved the bed and got things prepared for what we were about to bring down there. I was texting my husband who was upstairs when his grandmother came down and started yelling at me for being on the phone. She yelled at me for not doing a damn thing and she was carrying one of our boxes down and said she wouldn’t being another one of our boxes down. In my loudest, raspy voice (which is not loud at all) I screamed at her that I never asked her to bring down our boxes. I also tried to explain to her what I’d just done and what I was waiting on. She didn’t care. 

Nasty words were shouted back and forth and she chased me up the stairs and told me I fucked up her house. That was not fair to say because most of the shit that was with us was my husband’s. I told her it was her grandson who fucked up her house and that just pissed her off more. She yelled at me to go live with my mother and I told her to buy me a fucking ticket and I’d be gone. She said, “really?” Like that was the most exciting thing she’d heard since we got here. 

I left her house and walked aimlessly until my husband caught up with me and convinced me to get back in the car. When we pulled back into the driveway I refused to go back into the house and he told me I could sit in the car while she went in and talked to her. Well, that wasn’t in his grandmother’s plan. 

She was at my window, knocking on it, wanting to talk to me. I refused. I was bawling my eyes out and I did my best just to ignore her. My husband got out of the car and called her, but she angrily refused and began banging on my window. Panicked I climbed over the center console and got in the driver’s seat, ready to drive off. I’m not sure what made me stay, but I did. Then she opened my door and began yelling at me again. I went into defensive mode and yelled right back. My husband tried desperately to get us to quit so he could calmly talk to her, but she wouldn’t hear it. I ignored her, like my husband wanted, and just waited. She still yelled at me and told me to look at her. I refused. 

Finally he got her into the house and took the car keys so I sat there, bawling, and went into a silent panic attack. 

Since then things have been swept under the rug. We’ve had minor tiffs, but nothing serious. She said she would not apologize to me, but that I would, in time, apologize to her. Well she can kiss my ass. I wanted to apologize to her for the things I said in anger, but I will not because she does not deserve an apology. 

I don’t belong here. I don’t belong in his family. I don’t think I belong in this state. I feel so lost and alone.