Once you start hoping you open yourself up to devastation. It doesn’t always end that way, but it rarely goes as perfectly as you hope. There’s almost always some level of disappointment.
Then there’s the total devastation. The higher your hopes get, the harder they fall. No matter how many times my hopes get shot down, I still end up getting my hopes up again. How am I not a bitter person? How am I not cold and heartless?
How am I still here?
I’m so tired of living in this world. I’m so sick of the cruelties and disappointments. Sick of everything being so damn complicated. The joy is too short lived and the agony is too drawn out. I spend more time in my own fantasies than I do living my life.
I feel so empty and I’m just sick of it.