Here I am again. Sitting under the crushing weight of my demons. They were on vacation. Went someplace warmer for a while (if you catch my drift), but they’re back. They don’t like the cold much so they stick uncomfortably close to me. Would you like to meet them? No, I suppose you wouldn’t, but if you continue reading you’re going to.
The first one I’ll introduce you to is Depression. He is sometimes mistaken for Sloth, but I assure you they are two entirely separate beings. He is a disturbing sight to behold. His hair is greasy, eyes are bloodshot, his teeth are rotting right out of his skull, and he has probably never showered. He is rotund because his particular branch of Depression is closely related to Gluttony. He knows my weaknesses and pokes at them each and every way he can. He sends me on a search for food and even though I know I’m not actually hungry, I let myself be fooled and I give in to his trickery. He knows my insecurities best of all and he whispers cruel things into my ear. He is so close I can smell the rot in his breath and it makes my insides crawl in disgust, but his weight is so great there is little I can do to escape him.
The next one is Ponderance. She is also known as “What If” as that is her favorite game to play. She can be mistaken for her cousin, Lust, but, though they are similar in their game play, they are very different none-the-less. She knows I can have a fickle heart and she loves to play around with my past memories. She possesses long, dagger-like fingernails which she uses like probes to give me those sick pangs in my stomach or heart while remembering someone or something I’d rather just forget. She is a very attractive demon and uses that to her advantage. Her voice is sweet and sultry and she smells of warm honey and almonds. Everything she tells me sounds so good and then she sticks me with her nails, reminding me that it is all just fantasy. She has a very strong and creative imagination.
Fear is one of my more prominent demons. This bastard never shuts up. He, like his half sister Ponderance, has a very creative imagination, but instead of making up happy scenarios I might have had he shows me the horrors that lurk in the shadows of the world. Every vile and disgusting thing you can imagine, he shouts it out as I try to sleep. When the house settles and creeks he throws images into my head that make me run to my children in a panic. When I return to bed he stands at my bedside and laughs. He is a tall, gangly, and dirty beast. He has no hair and his skin looks as thin and pale as paper. His eyes and teeth are yellowed and his gums bleed constantly. When he shouts his horrors at me I’m often sprayed with his vile, blood infused saliva and I cover myself with my blanket as I try to ignore his incessant ranting.
Finally we have Wrath. Believe it or not he is Fear’s older twin brother. You’d never guess because Wrath is a virile and bulky hunk of demonic meat while Fear looks like he’s suffering from severe, end-stage cancer. Wrath’s normal temperature runs around 110 degrees when he’s calm (which isn’t often). He might be considered handsome, ya know, if you’re into red hot skin, pitch black eyes, and fangs that would put a vampire to shame. He possesses the roar of a lion and he uses it often. He constantly reminds me of all the things I have suffered and especially loves to remind me of the things I brought upon myself. He knows exactly what to say and how to say it so I burn hot with rage and he knows when he hits enough buttons I’ll explode at the drop of a hat. This brings him endless amusement.
These are my Four Horsemen of the Demonic Realm. They are not the only ones that haunt me, but they are the main ones. The one who is currently gnawing at my soul is Fear. He just had me in a panic moments ago and I am now recovering from that panic while he laughs in my face. His presence is strong and assures me this will be a long night.