I Love You Differently, But Equally

I’ve seen some relatives have blatant favoritism for certain children. A grandparent who cherishes one child just a bit more than the others, an aunt or uncle who pays more attention to one, or even a parent who seems to favor one of their own children over the rest. It’s made me wonder; do I do that too?

I think my two older children might think I like their little brother more, but that, of course, is not true. So I’ve tried to explain to them that I love them all the same, but differently. Yeah, I know, they gave me that same confused look. I started explaining how they all like different things, they do things differently, they have different feelings about all kinds of things and I started to list the things I love most about my daughter, Sissy.

Sissy is energetic and has a huge imagination. She’s smart and quick so she keeps me on my toes. She’s talkative and expressive, she has a beautiful outlook on life and reminds me to just slow down and appreciate these precious moments. She is my wild and crazy.

Bubby is very sensitive and sweet. He’s tough on the outside and ooey gooey inside. He’s a cuddle monster and loves to be silly. He’s very bright and fearless. He is my sensitive and silly.

Littlest is so relaxed and calm. Completely laid back regardless of the chaos all around him. He’s determined and fearless. He, too, is a cuddle monster. He is my calm and tranquility.

These are point blank, in a nutshell facts about my kids. I could go into much greater detail, but this would turn into a novel. They are all so different and I love them for their differences, but I do not love one more than the other.

After I explained this Sissy seemed to understand a bit better, Bubby lost interest halfway through lol. I explained further that Littlest needs a bit more attention and care from me because he’s so little and needs me so much that it may seem like I love him more because I tend to him more often, but that is not true. I spent a good while cuddling with her and reassuring her that she has not been forgotten, because I think that’s exactly how she’s feeling. That’s how I felt when my siblings came to be. I am the oldest of five kids and I feel as though I got lost and forgotten in the chaos. Being a step child didn’t help matters, but that’s besides the point.

With family visitors who have come to see the new additions over the past couple of years I think she’s been feeling a bit of favoritism happening. I’ve seen it happen from time to time and it makes me so sad. It doesn’t feel good to be out of that favored light. I feel like I haven’t done my job properly, but I also feel like I’ve spread myself too thin. Something I’m trying very hard to work on.

I’ve come to realize just how important it is to make sure you have some individual, quality time with each child, especially if you have an itsy bitsy one to look after and the older one is suddenly being smothered in responsibility. That’s why I’ll let her stay out here with me during quiet time and game with me. That’s also why, if Bubby wakes up in the middle of the night (which he often does these days) I’ll spend some extra time cuddling with him until he/we fall asleep.

The fact of the matter is (and I realize I’ve kinda lost track of what I’m saying a few times…sorry) I love all my kids equally, but they all have their own specialness that I love about them. It’s amazing how such little beings can have such huge personalities. I can hardly remember what life was like before them, I could not imagine a life without even just one of them. I hope and pray to God I will never have to find out.


2 thoughts on “I Love You Differently, But Equally

  1. We have six daughters – one biological and five, unrelated to anyone, adoptees. Your post rings true for us because our six daughters are all so different in almost every way. It does make life interesting. Great writing, I enjoyed reading your thoughts.


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