New Year, Old Self

It may be a new year, but I didn’t start it off with the right attitude. I stayed up until after 0100 with my husband, but not in the sexy way you may be thinking. I was working with him in his office, getting things ready for his/our Yu-Gi-Oh! business to get going. At 2359 he brought my a drink he had prepared and at 0000 he gave me a kiss. My first ever New Year’s Kiss. He’s either been on deployment, duty, or we just fell asleep for the New Year. So that wasn’t so bad, but yugioh is not exactly what I wanted to continue to do.

I woke up at 0700 to my two year old, Bubby, crying and running into our room. We snuggled for a bit and then my husband came in around 0720 asking why I wasn’t up yet. “Because I’m freaking tired.” I snapped. He then proceeded to tell me that he was up with Littlest for the last hour and a half or so and he had just gone back to sleep. “Are you kidding me? You’re going to watch TV with Littlest until it’s time to get up and start the day and then you’re going to let him go back to sleep? Real smart.” Yes, I realize I was extremely rude. I am not the best person to talk to in the mornings, especially when my routine has already been shot to Hell.

Now thoroughly irritated I get up with Bubby and try to get him to pick out his cereal. I leave him to wake up Sissy and I’m met with a groan of disapproval. I try to gently coax her out of bed, but she just growls. I turn to see Bubby climbing back into his bed and when I try to get him back out he just starts bawling. I give up, throwing my hands in the air, muttering angrily about no point in keeping a routine if I’m the only one making an effort to comply, then I go back and lay down in bed. My husband groggily asks me what’s the matter and I go off on a rant. Then Sissy comes in a lays on top of me whining about how she wants me. I’m a bit concerned about her because she has recently felt she can’t go to bed unless she’s snuggling with someone. She’ll climb in bed with Bubby and he’ll scream because he doesn’t want anyone in his bed but him. She throws fits screaming about not wanting to be in bed alone. She is the main reason I am terrified to go outside with all three children. She will run away from me and talk to strangers and tell them everything about herself. She paints a huge target on her back and it scares me to death.

Anyway, after I’ve pissed off my husband and throw my hopes of starting the new year off right out the window, I get out of bed and again try to start the morning routine…and hour behind schedule. Bubby almost instantly starts whaling and I go to get Littlest only to find an empty crib. I have a moment of panic and then I remember my husband saying he was watching TV with him earlier. I look in the living room to find a happy and smiling Littlest eagerly awaiting my arrival so I can pick him up. I comply. Bubby is laying on the floor, a hot ball of emotional mess, Sissy is demanding what her little heart desires for breakfast, and I strap Littlest in his high chair and put some cereal on his tray.

After what felt like an eternity I managed to get cereal and toast into all our bellies and coffee into me as well. Bubby almost immediately went back into his bed after we made it and I let him stay there and put on a movie for him to watch. Sissy got to play a video game because despite my awful attitude and outlook on the morning, she was good. Littlest got to play with his Christmas present without interruption for the first time since he got it. He’s also trying to walk on his own. He can do it, he just lacks the confidence to take those first steps alone.

I somehow managed to get myself back on schedule and have a little time to spare. I’ve deleted my Facebook account and I honestly don’t plan on making another one for a while. Basically, when I don’t miss it anymore that’s when I’ll know I can make a new one.

I had such high hopes for this morning and I blew it to bits. I’m ashamed of myself for my attitude and behavior. I try so hard to keep my cool and I fail every time. I haven’t completely given up, I’m just really deflated right now.

I saw an idea on Facebook just before I deleted it and I think I’m going to do that. You take a new notebook and you write down the good things that happened every day so at the end of the year you have a book of positive memories for the year. I think that will be really good for me to do.

I hope everyone’s New Year has been well, if it wasn’t, you’re not alone and don’t give up. It can only get better from here, right?


5 thoughts on “New Year, Old Self

  1. It will/should get better from here! Mornings are never peachy in our household either. NO ONE is a morning person. Working 2nd/3rd shift, I am a zombie in the morning, and don’t cross me as thus as I will eat your soul in a savage mess of angry vocal slaughter. Sorry for the graphic vision, but…it’s very accurate. Sad, and i wish I could change that, but, true none the less.

    As far as “sis” wanting to have a cuddle buddy for night before bed, don’t deprive her of it. At this age, it is paramount for a child to feel safe and secure with their parents. I learned that when Ethan was around the same age. I would end up snuggling him to bed nightly. Read a book, cuddle, and left a small night light. After a year or so, he was perfectly confident of going to bed on his own. He still often loves a book before bed, but he no longer has the need/fear of sleeping without someone. There was a whole article as to the psychology behind this, but I don’t remember it well anymore. But it’s not giving up or giving in. It’s creating a stronger bond for your child and feeling more secure.

    Hope that helps! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that. It’s difficult because I don’t always have the time to just lay down with her for who knows how long. Their bedtime is right before hubby has to go to work and I make his lunch and help him get ready.

      Btw, your representation of you in the mornings is thr same as mine, right down to the “eat your soul in a savage mess of angry vocal slaughter” lol. Can I use that one sometime because that was brilliance.


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