I just got back from my pre-op appointment and I gotta say, I’m a little nervous. Not so much because of what they will do to me, but because it has now, officially, become real. This is happening. This is happening in 29 days.
I honestly wish I didn’t have to get the surgery, I would prefer it if my husband would get a vasectomy, but that is completely off the table. He hasn’t given me a reason other than “I don’t want to” and I know I am supposed to respect that, but I didn’t want to have a third child yet I did. I didn’t exactly enjoy any of my pregnancies or giving birth to them, but I did. Have I not gone through enough already? And what has he gone through? Pleasurable sex. Yes, this seems like a fair trade.
I understand it’s not easy having someone mess around with your private parts. I understand that better than he does. Three pregnancies equals dozens upon dozens of objects and fingers being shoved up my vigina and three children literally ripping their way out of me. Bleeding and stitches and burning while peeing. For weeks after each kid it felt like I was shitting glass. While I was nursing my second child my nipples hurt so badly I wanted to tear my own face off every time he latched on. I would yelp and cry out in pain which sometimes scared him and I’d have to start the whole process over again.
After my last child I had Pubic Symphysis. It didn’t go away for seven and a half months. My hips hurt so bad, my back is still messed up and I feel like my body is falling apart, but asking you to do an in office procedure is just too much. Now I have to have surgery so you can have your manhood intact. No sacrifices for you I guess, I’ll just sit here and continue wrecking my body so you don’t have to.
Yes, I am bitter. I don’t want to have to have surgery, but I don’t want to get pregnant ever again so I’m going to get it done. I guess I’m mostly disappointed because I thought he was the kind of man who would take into account all the shit I’ve been through already.