Today Weighs Heavy On My Heart

There are days I can scroll through various social media sites and read the saddest of sad stories, the heartbreaking struggles of people in this world, cry a few tears and move on. But there are other days, like today, where I can’t move past the sadness.

My heart is breaking over people I don’t personally know. A woman, a “mother”, throws her autistic child over a bridge to his death because “voices” told her to do it. I don’t believe her for a minute. Not to say that there aren’t people who hear voices that tell them to do things, I know that sickness exists, but I do not believe she has that sickness. I believe she murdered her child because it got too hard. I do not understand the hardships of raising an autistic child. I know there are many different ways autism will present itself in a child and all of them have their complications, but no child deserves such a cruel death. If the fall didn’t kill him that means he suffered in extreme pain then drowned which is an agonizing experience. Such a sweet life snuffed out.

A woman writes poetry about her abortion and how she chose life. Her life. While the poetry was very good and I respect her for expressing such raw emotion the way she did, my heart breaks for the unborn child who was never given a chance. She was not a teen, she was legally an adult. She was not raped, she willingly had sex with a man and she is an educated woman so she knew the possible outcome of having sex. But apparently abortions should just be another name for birth control since we don’t give two shits about our own species, be they young or old. I saw comments applauding her selfish actions and those who tried to speak for the unborn child were shoved down in the dirt and told they need to keep their opinions to themselves. Why? Because they’re different from yours? Why is it wrong to give a voice to the voiceless? Why is it wrong to stand against murder? People, you feel shame and guilt for a reason. You feel those things when you feel you’ve done something wrong.

A father lost his wife who had an emergency c-section and just days later their son died. His video has gone viral and I just do not have the strength to watch it. I saw the article, the heart melting/breaking pictures, but I just could not bring myself to watch the video. I had already been crying too much. No one deserves so much heartache.

I see stories all the time about pedophiles, rapes, murders, hit and runs, etc. so much damage done by one person’s selfish choices. I’ve seen numerous stories on suicide. Many religions say if you commit suicide you’ll automatically go to hell. I’m not sure if I believe in that. You mean to tell me that a man who raped and murdered dozens of women (or, God forbid, children) can beg God for forgiveness and, if he was sincere, go to heaven, but someone who was overwhelmed with sadness, guilt, hurt, etc. they’re going to go to hell? No chance at forgiveness? I’m sorry, but that, to me, does not sound like a very just God.

On days like today, the hatred and pain of the world is almost palpable. I feel as though everything around me wishes my loved ones and myself harm. I try to watch videos of kittens or babies laughing, but it does nothing to restore my faith in humanity. It is encouraging though to see around here and other sites that there are people who do give two shits about their fellow humans.


5 thoughts on “Today Weighs Heavy On My Heart

  1. I have been having the same dark universe days. They are horrible. You are not alone. I try everything to see happiness and it’s almost impossible! I hope you are doing ok! I don’t know you, but I’m sending you a hug.


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