Spider vs iPad

A few nights ago I was doing my nightly routine of scouring the internet while a random show on Netflix played in the background. I’m clicking away on articles being passed around on Facebook, laughing at hilarious memes, and just having a good ol’ time.

I feel a tickle on my arm and just brushed it off assuming it was one of my many hairs I shed daily. I go back to clicking away when I see a small and quick movement out of the corner of my eye. I look and there, inches from my arm is a cream colored, eight-legged nightmare. For about three seconds I freeze in panic wondering if I should fight or flee. I gingerly place my laptop on the foot rest in front of me and, without thinking this through, I grabbed my iPad and whacked the spider as hard as I could. It’s maimed body crumpled and fell to the floor. Relieved that I didn’t just piss the thing off, I went and got a paper towel to clean it up and toss it away. I sit back down to get comfy when it finally dawned on me what I had just done. I just used my iPad, my device that already has a massive crack running the entire length of the screen, as a freaking club.

Once again I’m sitting, frozen in panic, praying I didn’t just totally screw up my iPad. See, I’m terrified because I have horrible luck with technology. I usually manage to either get the duds or just break them in the dumbest of ways. One time I dropped my phone in my bowl of milk, and another time I was cleaning and knocked our vacuum’s handle into our TV which cracked the screen….are you seeing the pattern yet? The last thing I need is to tell my husband, “Hey honey. I love you and I broke my iPad you bought me…”

I press the Home button and am struck with horror when I see the distorted, pixilated image on my screen. I’m about to cry, but before I completely panic I turned it off, waited a couple minutes, then turned it back on and waited. During this whole time I’m biting my nails and start bargaining with God or the devil or whoever was willing to bargain with me. It took longer than usual for it to start up, but finally I see that beautiful, untarnished apple and then the picture of my kids I have as my screen saver. Everything is totally fine, I just scared the pixilation out of my device momentarily it seems.

Recovering from my scare, I try to resume my normal, nocturnal activities when I feel another tickle on my arm. With this I throw my hands in the air, leave my devices where they lie, and call it a freaking night.

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