That Awkward Moment When…

So, as you may recall, Littlest is having some troubles. We think he’s not absorbing enough nutrients from the things he eats and he poops like crazy. Well, the doctor gave me a cup and told me to bring in a stool sample and just drop it off at the lab. Ok….sure. No problem. Well, he didn’t poop until after the lab closed that day (Thursday) and he didn’t poop until the lab had already closed on Friday. Go figure, a kid not cooperating with normal business hours. So it was a waiting game on Monday.

My husband had a gun shoot so he had the car and I could do nothing but wait until he got home before I could even think of collecting a sample (I should probably mention the doctor said to bring the sample within two hours of it being….expelled). He got home around 11:30 and it was perfect timing because the baby had given me a sample… So I gather it and ready myself to run it to the lab. I put it ever so carefully in my purse and head out the door.

While driving there (roughly a 5 minute drive) I thought to myself so do I just drop this off in the window? I mean, seems a little weird….”Here’s my kid’s crap. Have a spectacular day!” I think I should talk with one of the techs just to make sure my ducks are in a row. Satisfied with my decision I started preparing myself for a very awkward situation.

I get to the medical building and make my way to the lab. There is a family talking with a tech so I patiently wait in line, clutching my purse containing a container of poop. After what seems like an eternity they walk away, but another tech comes out and starts having a chat with his coworker. Ugh. I gingerly walk up to the counter and say to her, “Hi, excuse me, quick question. I’m supposed to drop off a….. a uhhh…..stooooolll sampllllee…..and I uh, just wanted to make sure that the order for it is in the system. I guess…”

“Ok, sure. May I see your ID?” I hand her my ID and she asks for my information.

“Oh, it’s not MY sample, it’s my son’s…” My face is now as red as Rudolph’s nose.

“Oh, ok. What’s his name?” I give her all of his information and wait for her to confirm that the order is in the system. She confirms then asks, “Did the doctor give you a kit?”

“Um, not really, just a container to collect the, uh…sample.”

“Ok, well, here’s this kit, you just need to take this little stick and stick it into the sample then put it in a plastic bag and bring it back here.” She then hands me the kit and I give her a very confused look.

“I, umm, I have the sample… With me. In my purse…” I am about to just drop dead right here because her coworker is still standing there like an ass and now some other person is standing behind me waiting for me to finish.

“Oh ok I see. The techs can do all that in the back then.”

“Soo, do I just give it to you, or put it in this little window….or…”

“Oh, yes I’ll take it. Let me just put on some gloves.” she puts on her gloves and I take the crap container from my purse and try my best to conceal it, but there’s not much I can do when it’s a clear container. I set it down, she picks and up and says, “You’re all set. Have a good day.”

“Oh…Ok….thank you and you too.” My face is so red at this point and I feel like I’m on fire from the awkwardness and embarrassment. The man that was behind me did his best to stifle his giggles, but I heard them. So thankful that was over I quickly get back to my car and get home.

Ah the joys of being a parent. Of all the things I have carried in my purse I never thought poop would be one of them.


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