I’m telling you, these things seek me out. I was making dinner, just minding my pork and potatoes. My kids and husband were sitting at the table. I had gone to the fridge to get….something. Can’t quite remember anymore. Anyway, I’m passing my son, Bubby, and I come face to face with a freaking spider who thought it was a good idea to come down from the ceiling. I almost ran right into this creature.
With a shriek I jump back and frantically squawk at my husband in a mixture of words that flew out of my mouth. My husband just stared at me and blinked. I begin pointing at the eight-legged terror dropping slowly towards Bubby. My husband again just stares at me, then in the general area where I’m pointing, then back at me. Getting frustrated at this point because I’m feeling like a caveman grunting and pointing to try and get my message across I slowly enunciate every word, “There is a SPI-DER drop-ping from the ceil-ing. RIGHT. THERE!” I dared to get a little closer to better show where hubby to look. He stands up and finally sees the beast I’m freaking out over. Then, it quickly drops!
“AAAHHH! SAVE THE BABY!!” I scream in terror. My hubby laughs and what I’ve just screamed and as he fails to compose himself I bravely grab Bubby and pull him from harms way. Now my husband is just staring at this spider like he’s considering keeping it for a pet. “Napkins. Table. USE THEM!” I manage to spit out. He grabs a napkin, lets the thing drop down into it, then quickly squishes it. Relieved, I place Bubby back in front of his plate and clutch my chest to try and keep my heart from bursting out of it. As I straighten myself up the first things I see is the napkin that’s serving as the spiders coffin. Completely startled I let out a shrill cry, “What the hell is wrong with you?! Throw it away!”
“That’s what I was doing.” My husband says barely containing his laughter. I step aside and he tosses it in the trash. Totally spent from the experience I collapse onto my husband’s chest. His chest that is uncontrollably bouncing with laughter.
Playfully, I push him away and he pulls me back in for a hug. I look at the table and realize my kids are looking at me like I’m totally insane, even Littlest. Oi. I return to the stove, carefully examining every inch of the ceiling to be sure that creature doesn’t have an uglier and more evil twin. Satisfied we’re safe from harm I finish dinner without a hitch. Well, almost. The pork had slightly burned…But it was still good…