P.M.S. Need I Say More?

Ok, honestly I don’t know if it’s that simple, but holy mother of all things good and glorious, I am one batty bitch these days. Seriously I have been getting mad and upset over the dumbest things. My husband and I will argue and he’ll say something that will make me fly off the handle, but in a couple hours, after I’ve calmed down, I think about what he said and I will be so confused as to why I reacted in such a way. I apologize to him and we laugh about it and I apologize again.

I’m wondering if it’s the fact that I’ve been steady with this birth control and this is the first time in practically two and a half years that my body’s cycle has had a chance to normalize. Like, maybe my body has forgotten how to handle these hormone and changes….Oh God…I’m not going through puberty again, am I? Well, obviously I’m not actually going through puberty, but what if my body kinda feels like I am? Either way, it’s freaking awful.

I no longer feel the oppression and misery of depression, but I feel crazy and angry so often. I get offended easily over things I normally wouldn’t get offended by, irritated over stupid things. I really do mean stupid things. It’s actually embarrassing the things that irritate me. I just feel like I’m a total crazy person. Oh, also I’m hungry all the time, but not for four course meals or anything like that, I just want to munch on everything!

Someone please tell me I’m not totally bat-shit crazy! That I’m not the only one who goes through this! I am so embarrassed about my behavior these past few days and my husband has no idea what to do other than keep a safe distance from me and toss me chocolate or wine every once in a while (ok it’s not quite that bad, but it’s close to that).

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The Duchess (movie)

This movie was so heartbreaking and yet managed to inspire a bit of hope near the end.

A woman overcoming neglect, depression, spousal abuse, rape, betrayal, lust, and loss. This movie shows just how far a mother will go for her children and different ways a man can manipulate and abuse a woman, but most importantly it shows a woman overcoming these hardships. It’s not an ideal life, but she managed to find happiness in her situation.

There is one rape scene in this movie, it is not visually graphic, but you hear her screams and I felt I should warn you because I wasn’t warned and I had a hard time handling this scene. Other than that the movie is very good and I recommend it.

Grab the tissues and chocolate and/or ice cream and make it a night.

Your Stories – How I Met My Mr Right! By LaChelle Betcher

This is my story of how I first met my husband. It wasn’t “love at first sight” in fact, there was really nothing romantic about it at the time, but it is one of my favorite stories to share because it is unique and one of my most cherished moments.

A Momma's View

Finally there is another beautiful story about finding the love of your life. Thank you so much, LaChelle, for sharing your story!

“I had arrived at my very first, true command in the Navy. The U.S.S. Emory S. Land stationed in La Maddalena, Italy. I was so nervous because I had flown into a foreign country all by myself and this was the first time I had gone so far away from home (I lived in California at the time). I didn’t know the language and it was all just so overwhelming.

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“Bring on the Food Coma”

Words spoken by my husband as we watch our kids eat their favorite bits of ThanksGiving lunch. This is the one day a year we let them eat their favorite stuff without worrying whether they’re eating enough of this or that. We figure as long as their bellies are getting full with our home cooking it’s better than nothing. I am so thankful we were able to provide a wonderful meal. Things have been getting hard around here, but we pinched every penny we could to make this a wonderful day and I say mission accomplished.

We asked Sissy (my four year old girl) what she is thankful for and she began to list off everything she could think of. It melted my heart. Then I asked Bubby (my two year old boy) what he was thankful for and with a mouth full of stuffing he managed to say, “Stuffing! More stuffing?” lol that gave us a good laugh. Finally, Littlest (my 10 month old boy), this is his first Thanksgiving and he was able to enjoy every bit of it since he’s eating big people food now. His favorite (go figure) was the sweet potato casserole (I call them candied yams). I swear he ate half his body weight today. We watched him as he began to slip into sleepiness (which is when my husband uttered the words in the title). As we cleaned up, Littlest picked every last morsel he could and kept bobbing side to side trying his damndest to keep sleep away.

Finally we laid both boys in their beds and, for once, neither of them put up a fight. Sissy went quietly into her room for “quiet time” with her pencil and notebook (she’s learning to write her name so she can go to school ^_^ ) and now I’m sitting here, relaxing, blogging, and drawing while my husband slips into his own food coma and takes a nap. I might nap too, but right now I’m so overwhelmed with emotions (most of which are very positive) I’m fit to burst with tears of joy.

I’m so thankful I have my husband here, my children are happy and healthy, our cat seems to hate me a little less today, our dog is acting as though she died and went to heaven, and my depression seems to have lifted and I can truly enjoy all the blessings I have.

I hope everyone is able to find every bit of happiness they can and dwell in it for as long as you can.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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My Daughter’s Dinosaur

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I drew this young Triceratops for my daughter. I’m not very good with cartoony drawings, I’m more of a realistic artist, but for my four year old I thought it would be more interesting to her if it were cartoony.

She loves it. She wants me to color it, but I don’t color my drawings because I’m just not good with color. Anyway, it feels good to get drawing again. It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to draw. I look forward to getting more done and sharing them here.

The Calm Before the Storm

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Things around here seem to be calming down. Even despite my recent emotional ordeal with my bestie, my own mind seems to be calming little by little. My kids still fight with each other, but not for very long. This is a wonderful feeling, but I can’t help feeling like something bigger is just around the corner.

I’ve experienced this a few times before. It last long enough to give me false hope that my depression is on an upswing only to knock me down hard a second time. I’m not sure if this is one of those cases, but I’m going to enjoy this calmness while I can. My daughter has been asking me to draw her a Triceratops for a few days now and I just haven’t had the energy or motivation, but today (if I can find my freaking pencil case) I would like to give it a shot. Maybe I’ll even draw a few other pictures.

Have a good day everyone, I hope to continue to have a good one as well.

The Glamorous Military Life

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The picture you see above is $25.65 in quarters, dimes, and nickels. This is money my husband and I had to scrounge around the house for. Our sweet four year old daughter even pitched in to help us. Why did we have to scrounge for this change? Because two kids in diapers is expensive. Because feeding three very hungry and growing mouths is expensive. Because feeding two adults, a dog, and a cat is expensive. Because living on an E-5’s wage while in housing doesn’t stretch as far as so many would think. We needed milk, eggs, butter, bread, and some spices and in order to get those things we had to find any change we could. Because we have bills to pay and it’s not pay day.

Enlisted Military members with family are not rich. We are not rolling in money and the spouse is usually only able to work if you are willing/can afford to put your kids in daycare or if they’re already in school (or if you simply don’t have any children). Well, maybe if your spouse works one of the more normal jobs. Mine is a cook. He’s working with a different unit now which is why he’s on night shift, but he is a Culinary Specialist in the Navy. Cooks have some of the worst hours (right next to nukes and engineers) so they are gone a lot. And I’m not talking about deployment right now. For the longest time, especially while I was working, I felt like I hardly ever saw my husband and our children had an emotional breakdown everytime he left the house. There were times he went days without seeing them because he left before they woke up and came home after they went to bed.

“But you get free medical and stuff like that, that makes up for it.” Oh yes, free medical is great and all, but the quality of care we get isn’t always good. We do not get free dental, the active duty member does, but not his family. In fact, their dental “coverage” is horrible. Vision coverage isn’t so good either and my son and I both need glasses. “You live in housing, so you don’t have to pay bills. I bet you’ve got some extra cash.” We don’t pay for utilities/water/trash/sewage, but the reason we don’t pay those is because housing takes the extra money away. If we didn’t live in housing we would have that “extra” money for those bills and to help with food. We still have to pay for cable/internet if we want those things and we don’t have that help with food costs.

We are a family of five with two pets on a single income with no government assistance. We are barely keeping our heads above the water. I want to go back to work, but in order for me to do that we would need to put our kids in daycare. I am not willing to do that. The cost alone is outrageous, but what’s worse is the sanitation at these places is so below sub-par. Over crowded and understaffed to boot. We have no familial support out here and our friends have busy lives of their own (not to mention we can’t afford to pay them).

“Well, you went out for coffee twice in two weeks. Sounds like you can’t be that bad off.” Yes, I did go out for coffee last week and the week before. Wanna know the last time I went out for coffee before that? Honestly, I can’t even remember. This has not been a regular thing. This is a very recent development because I am drowning at home and I need time to get away. Grocery shopping doesn’t really count as getting away.

I am not writing this to gain sympathy. We will be fine. We will figure shit out. No, I’m writing this because it is a common misconception that military members and their families are sitting pretty in their coops. Officers and their families maybe, but not enlisted. Not when you have a family. The work enlisted members do is pathetically underpaid and underappreciated. My husband’s daily struggle is having to go against his instincts by putting the military before his family. For him it’s torture. He has missed so much because of the military so the comforts we’re afforded (medical coverage, housing privileges, etc.) come with a high cost.