P.M.S. Need I Say More?

Ok, honestly I don’t know if it’s that simple, but holy mother of all things good and glorious, I am one batty bitch these days. Seriously I have been getting mad and upset over the dumbest things. My husband and I will argue and he’ll say something that will make me fly off the handle, but in a couple hours, after I’ve calmed down, I think about what he said and I will be so confused as to why I reacted in such a way. I apologize to him and we laugh about it and I apologize again.

I’m wondering if it’s the fact that I’ve been steady with this birth control and this is the first time in practically two and a half years that my body’s cycle has had a chance to normalize. Like, maybe my body has forgotten how to handle these hormone and changes….Oh God…I’m not going through puberty again, am I? Well, obviously I’m not actually going through puberty, but what if my body kinda feels like I am? Either way, it’s freaking awful.

I no longer feel the oppression and misery of depression, but I feel crazy and angry so often. I get offended easily over things I normally wouldn’t get offended by, irritated over stupid things. I really do mean stupid things. It’s actually embarrassing the things that irritate me. I just feel like I’m a total crazy person. Oh, also I’m hungry all the time, but not for four course meals or anything like that, I just want to munch on everything!

Someone please tell me I’m not totally bat-shit crazy! That I’m not the only one who goes through this! I am so embarrassed about my behavior these past few days and my husband has no idea what to do other than keep a safe distance from me and toss me chocolate or wine every once in a while (ok it’s not quite that bad, but it’s close to that).

The Duchess (movie)

This movie was so heartbreaking and yet managed to inspire a bit of hope near the end.

A woman overcoming neglect, depression, spousal abuse, rape, betrayal, lust, and loss. This movie shows just how far a mother will go for her children and different ways a man can manipulate and abuse a woman, but most importantly it shows a woman overcoming these hardships. It’s not an ideal life, but she managed to find happiness in her situation.

There is one rape scene in this movie, it is not visually graphic, but you hear her screams and I felt I should warn you because I wasn’t warned and I had a hard time handling this scene. Other than that the movie is very good and I recommend it.

Grab the tissues and chocolate and/or ice cream and make it a night.

Yu-Gi-Oh! Blegh!

Have I mentioned yet that I hate Yu-Gi-Oh! I can not stand the stupid game. I think it’s ridiculous that grown men play this child’s game that’s meant for 10-15 year olds. My husband is one of those grown men. It embarrassing me. It really does. I can’t grasp the fact that people have tournaments, regionals, nationals, and championship tournaments. It blows my freaking mind. So much money poured into these flimsy pieces of paper with pictures on them.

When I was younger, I collected Pokemon cards. All the cute ones I could find. It was super big while I was in grade school (along with marbles which I also collected). I never watched the show though. I’ve never really been into anime. I eventually lost interest in the cards (of which I had gained roughly 200 with very few repeating) and I gave them to my little sister. I had no idea they were for playing with, like Pokemon battle style. Something else I had no idea of was the fact that people (apparently) don’t grow out of these childish things.

Now I know what you’re thinking, This woman must not support her husband in his hobby. Well that’s only partially true. As much as I despise this pointless game, my husband enjoys it immensely and has ever since he was a very young boy. I have no desire to take this away from him, however I have a very hard time supporting him in this. Here are three main reasons why this is something that’s very hard for me to stand behind:

3. Our children are very young, very active, and not going to school. He has a job that comes before his family (not by his choice) and he works at night so it feels like he’s gone 18-20 hours a day. I need his help with the kids. While I love being a mother, being a stay-at-home- mom is not my forte. I want to work, but his schedule and my unwillingness to put them in daycare leaves me with very few options. He is far more patient with children than I am thus I long for his help more.

2. It takes a lot of time and money to do this Yu-Gi-Oh thing. He has to buy numerous packs in the hopes he’ll get the highly sought after cards so he can build a proper deck to either use, sell, or both. He’ll make multiple decks sometimes and some of these decks sell for $200-$800 or more! Then there’s the sorting of all the other cards, making tabs for specific cards with our label maker, alphabetizing, inventory, etc. If you enjoy the cards as much as he does, this is not a problem, but I hate them so doing all these things with him is mind numbingly boring and horribly tedious.

1. (The more important reason from my perspective) He never fully disclosed to me the depth his love for this game goes. He would mention is from time to time, but he never went to tournaments while we were dating or engaged or even during the first two years of our marriage. Most of his cards were stored at his grandmother’s house and I was never aware how large his collection was. I was never made privy to this information. I was never able to adjust to this during our trial time, and by that I mean dating/engagement.

It wasn’t until recently (about two years ago) I was made aware of just how far he wants to go with Yu-Gi-Oh. Just how much this card game means to him. I have tried and tired and TRIED to support him to the best of my ability, but in this case my best is well below satisfactory. The problem is I want to want to support him, that is I want to have the desire to support this endeavor, but I don’t want to support him. I don’t want anything to do with this game and I wish he would just grow out of it already. I don’t want to argue about it anymore, I don’t want anymore time or money put into it, and I especially don’t want our children to take up a liking for it.

I know, this sounds extremely selfish of me and I suppose you are right, but I am entitled to feel this way. Keep in mind, despite my disgust for it, I still am trying to accept it to the best of my abilities. As I write this, my husband is at a tournament an hour away from here. I wish he weren’t and I made my dislike known, but I assured him that I was fine with him going. He’s worked hard and he deserves to go off and enjoy himself, I just wish it were something else!

I guess I’ve gone on long enough. I’ve said what I needed to say to get it off my chest. I love him and I have no desire to take this away from him, I’m just having a hard time supporting him in this, but I will keep trying. I will also try to hold my tongue on this matter, but only this matter.

Your Stories – How I Met My Mr Right! By LaChelle Betcher

This is my story of how I first met my husband. It wasn’t “love at first sight” in fact, there was really nothing romantic about it at the time, but it is one of my favorite stories to share because it is unique and one of my most cherished moments.

A Momma's View

Finally there is another beautiful story about finding the love of your life. Thank you so much, LaChelle, for sharing your story!

“I had arrived at my very first, true command in the Navy. The U.S.S. Emory S. Land stationed in La Maddalena, Italy. I was so nervous because I had flown into a foreign country all by myself and this was the first time I had gone so far away from home (I lived in California at the time). I didn’t know the language and it was all just so overwhelming.

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“Bring on the Food Coma”

Words spoken by my husband as we watch our kids eat their favorite bits of ThanksGiving lunch. This is the one day a year we let them eat their favorite stuff without worrying whether they’re eating enough of this or that. We figure as long as their bellies are getting full with our home cooking it’s better than nothing. I am so thankful we were able to provide a wonderful meal. Things have been getting hard around here, but we pinched every penny we could to make this a wonderful day and I say mission accomplished.

We asked Sissy (my four year old girl) what she is thankful for and she began to list off everything she could think of. It melted my heart. Then I asked Bubby (my two year old boy) what he was thankful for and with a mouth full of stuffing he managed to say, “Stuffing! More stuffing?” lol that gave us a good laugh. Finally, Littlest (my 10 month old boy), this is his first Thanksgiving and he was able to enjoy every bit of it since he’s eating big people food now. His favorite (go figure) was the sweet potato casserole (I call them candied yams). I swear he ate half his body weight today. We watched him as he began to slip into sleepiness (which is when my husband uttered the words in the title). As we cleaned up, Littlest picked every last morsel he could and kept bobbing side to side trying his damndest to keep sleep away.

Finally we laid both boys in their beds and, for once, neither of them put up a fight. Sissy went quietly into her room for “quiet time” with her pencil and notebook (she’s learning to write her name so she can go to school ^_^ ) and now I’m sitting here, relaxing, blogging, and drawing while my husband slips into his own food coma and takes a nap. I might nap too, but right now I’m so overwhelmed with emotions (most of which are very positive) I’m fit to burst with tears of joy.

I’m so thankful I have my husband here, my children are happy and healthy, our cat seems to hate me a little less today, our dog is acting as though she died and went to heaven, and my depression seems to have lifted and I can truly enjoy all the blessings I have.

I hope everyone is able to find every bit of happiness they can and dwell in it for as long as you can.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

FriendsThanksgiving

My Daughter’s Dinosaur

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I drew this young Triceratops for my daughter. I’m not very good with cartoony drawings, I’m more of a realistic artist, but for my four year old I thought it would be more interesting to her if it were cartoony.

She loves it. She wants me to color it, but I don’t color my drawings because I’m just not good with color. Anyway, it feels good to get drawing again. It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to draw. I look forward to getting more done and sharing them here.

The Calm Before the Storm

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Things around here seem to be calming down. Even despite my recent emotional ordeal with my bestie, my own mind seems to be calming little by little. My kids still fight with each other, but not for very long. This is a wonderful feeling, but I can’t help feeling like something bigger is just around the corner.

I’ve experienced this a few times before. It last long enough to give me false hope that my depression is on an upswing only to knock me down hard a second time. I’m not sure if this is one of those cases, but I’m going to enjoy this calmness while I can. My daughter has been asking me to draw her a Triceratops for a few days now and I just haven’t had the energy or motivation, but today (if I can find my freaking pencil case) I would like to give it a shot. Maybe I’ll even draw a few other pictures.

Have a good day everyone, I hope to continue to have a good one as well.