Morning Mayhem

This is something that happened to me first thing in the morning on the first of May. I shared in on Facebook, now I’m sharing it with you, but first you need to know about the day before:

The day before this took place, I was sitting in the living room with my baby who at the time was just over three months old. We were about to take an afternoon nap when I look up and saw a big, nasty, black spider crawling on the ceiling. I started freaking out, walking around the house like the Hunch Back of Notre Dame, protecting my new baby from the potential danger of a spider landing on him while still being able to see him, but not too long after that the spider disappeared and for the rest of that day I feared for my life and the lives of my children. This is what happened the next morning:

I am about to write a short story for you about my morning thus far. It’s only one event that I’m specifically telling about, and though it was a terrifying experience for me, I’m quite sure it will bring many of you entertainment.

I woke up a bit late this morning so I rushed trying to get the kids and animals fed. I let the dog out, firmly shut the door and went about my business. Once I got the kids settled I started working on my own breakfast and slowed my pace a bit.

After everything is made and I began taking my food and coffee to go sit down and eat, the dog began scratching at the door wanting back inside. I set my things down and go to let her in. If i only knew of the horror that awaited me….

I let her in then shut the door and was about to turn away when I saw… HIM. The eight-legged stalker from yesterday was back! He was cozily perched just inside the blinds that cover the back door. Conveniently at chest level so I could see him peeping over it. I froze in panic. I knew he had to die, but I am not the bug killer in this house, that would be my husband…. who’s at work
I’m sure I stood there for a good three minutes staring at him trying desperately to figure out what to do, when a voice came to me from deep within; my best friend, my sister from another mister, spoke to me (well axtually she yelled, loudly), “HIT HIM WITH YOUR SHOE!!” Realizing she was right, I slowly reach down and take off my sandal, raise it up, and just as I’m getting the nerve to strike… HE TURNS! He looks right at me like he knows what I’m about to do.

I almost ran away like a little school girl, but my motherly instincts kicked in because I knew if I didn’t kill him he would get my babies. Once again, I raise my sandal, take my aim and…. Realize I need to reposition because at the current angle I would surely miss. I move to my right and prepare myself in case I have to make a quick getaway. I raise my sandal again and swing with all my might as I make a war cry (I screamed. Screamed like a little kid who saw a monster under their bed). With a splat my sandal makes contact and I see the creature fall with a thud on the floor.
My nightmare is over. I grab the broom and sweep his corpse outside for the birds to feed on.
That was my morning. I’m traumatized, but I’m confident that with time and therapy (and by therapy I mean I’m going to eat chocolate till I feel better) I’ll pull through.


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